A Moment's Peace

It’s that time of year again.

School’s back in and starting to settle into a routine. I’m in the process of memorizing each kid’s particular weekly schedule – who has tests/quizzes/reports due when, how much time can I reasonably demand each one to devote to homework. Actually, it’s not so much a matter of committing it to memory (as mine doesn’t really work), but rather devising a color coded weekly chart to keep track of it all.*

It’s also the time for obsessing over my life. My birthday’s coming up soon. I have a doc appointment coming up, and it’s a doozy: my four month cancer checkup and my yearly physical. I can feel myself tensing up already. I’m starting to worry about my weight, beating myself up every morning because I can’t seem to shed those three five stubborn pounds I gained over the summer. I’ve given up chocolate (sort of) and cheese, because I suspect my cholesterol will be tested and found wanting. I’m obsessing over the level of stress and anxiety in my life in anticipation of my blood pressure being measured (I always have a whopping case of “white coat syndrome”). Yes, I’m anxious and stressed over being anxious and stressed.

I’ve nearly convinced myself to try a yoga class. (I’m not quite sold on the idea because I’m worried that I’ll look ridiculous, which, I suspect, comes close to defeating the purpose of taking the class in the first place.)

I’m falling out of love with my job of seventeen years and so I’m starting to think about an exit strategy.

There’s a lot on my plate.

I’m reminded of the admonition in Philippians 4:6, which says, basically, Don’t be anxious for anything, but pray and ask God for what you need, thanking Him in advance for it. And you will experience the peace of God, which nobody can ever understand, through Jesus Christ.

Problem is, I’m running so hard, so fast, so steadily, that I don’t even know what I need or what to pray for. More time? A more fit body? No cancer? All of those things feel both frivolous and too much to ask for, all at once. There are bigger problems in the world.

Maybe I’ll just cut to the chase and ask for peace. World peace; political peace; inner peace; peace and quiet. Just a couple moments’ worth. Enough uninterrupted consecutive minutes to take in the fact that I’m turning forty-four next week, and to be thankful about that. To take a look at the wide open space that the coming year represents, and maybe set a few goals. To cross the stuff off of my list that I didn’t do and that didn’t matter anyway. To enjoy my life. For the peace of wild things, which neither sow nor reap.

I think I’ll start by carving out one hour of my week for yoga.




*(You think I’m kidding. I’m not. Boy is red; Doodle is blue; Scooby is purple; Rev is black. I don’t have a color.)